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robinsonpartyof2

praying for a party of 3.

We Did It!!

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We got our Big Fat Positive last Sunday my friends!! We are so overly blessed and over the moon excited.

So here is how it all went down. The Thursday before our blood work I went to the bathroom and had just a slight amount of brown blood. I bawled. I called the office (just so happen to be exactly 5 pm) I got the other doctor in the office. He calmed me down told me it might just be late implantation blood and to stay on my meds and come in as planned for bloodwork.

The next few days were spent preparing myself for the worse. Remember we put all of our viable eggs back in me. We had nothing in the freezer.

Monday was our bloodwork day. I knew that i wouldn’t be able to take the terrible news while at work so I snuck a test Sunday morning.

I was so scared.

To my surprise all of a sudden the first line started to appear. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOOOOLY SHIT. this was the first time I have ever seen two beautiful lines on a test. I couldn’t stop shaking. I ran out to my husband jumping up and down and yelling we did it! We did it! WE DID IT. with tears running down my face.

The first person I wanted to call was my mom. But I knew there was a chance that my betas may come back low or even negative. So scott and I decided to hold off sharing any news with family until we had betas numbers back.

I slept terribly Sunday night. Monday we went to the office at 9:40 did our bloodwork about an hour and half later my phone rang. It was the doctor….my heart sunk. The minute I heard his voice I thought instantly…this can’t be good. “Congrats Amanda! We got a strong positive!”

Woot woot!!

At my office they want numbers to be over 100. Mine was 268!

We sent out flowers to my Mom and Dad and to S Mom and Step Dad. That was one of the coolest days was getting to share the excitement with them!

We went back Wednesday for our second beta. They want at least a 60% growth. Mine wad now 515. 92% growth!!! 🙂

I have been feeling pretty good so far. Tired. Very tired. Nauseated at night. Belching a lot (gross). & night sweats (I sleep in a 60° house at night). So far I am craving Orange Juice ALL THE TIME!

We know it’s so early. And so unorthodox to announce it to our friends and family so soon. But we have been so blessed with such an amazing support group I couldn’t leave them hanging. We did announce it to our family and friends yesterday!

2016-04-17 11.55.55please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We will be going in later this month for our first ultrasound!!

-A.

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Without Further Ado!!

S&I have been able to contact family and friends today about our news.

& decided since prayers are needed more than ever now than ever, we decided to share this portion of our journey as well…for now. 🙂

This morning we arrive at the office and I got my favorite nurse, I tell ya’ll this was meant to be!! 2016-03-29 10.41.18

S was all excited that he got to scrub in and play doctor!

My bladder was ready to explode from the start.

Dr.C, my other favorite nurse, and a RE resident all came in. Dr.C told me that he had two beautiful bastocyst that were ready to transfer if I was ok with two.

Without skipping a beat, we knew that two it was.

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Here are blasto A&B!!

We have one other embryo that is growing at a bit of a slower pace that they are watching and we are hoping makes it to freezer.

Right now I am on bedrest until Thursday. Me being the active person I am, this is killing me, but I know it will all be worth it.

We really need prayers that these two little ones get comfy and cozy and bury thems elves in their new home. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

-A.

Why A Pregnancy Announcement is No April Fools Joke

It’s that time of the year again, my friends.

April Fools.

Everyone loves a good prank. Well, everyone loves a well-executed, completely harmless, all-in-good-fun prank. What I have seen take place over the last few years on social media sites is none of those things.

Through out the last few years every April 1st I have seen status updates ranging from “I’m expecting!” to”We are excited to announce our new bundle of joy is on it’s way!” Usually followed up with a post saying they are actually not pregnant but expecting their tax return, or the sun to rise, or anything other than the implied, expecting a baby.

Some people don’t see the harm in this little “joke.” I won’t be the first nor the last to tell you this “little joke” is everything but funny for the nearly 7 million people in the US alone who are suffering from “infertility.”

If you have never experiences sadness, come to my fertility office with me one morning. You will witness sadness on a whole new level. You will see the woman (like me)  walking out in tears realizing that their only dream to have a family, simply, may never come true. You will witness woman leaving crying with their husband behind with his head down low leaving the office because they were just informed of their miscarriage. You will witness grown men sitting next to their wives holding their hands praying they could do anything to take their wives pain away, even if it was just for a day.

Infertility is a unique kind of pain.

Some say similar to cancer.

The thing about infertility is there is no cure. Me and the 7 million other woman will always be infertile. Even if we are able to successfully conceive through IVF that does not take the fertility issues away. This is something we will always deal with.

The thing most people don’t understand about infertility is that it steals so much from a woman.

It steals the ability to be 100% happy for woman who are pregnant. I will be the first to tell you, even if my best friend came to me and said she was pregnant I would be over the moon ecstatic for her and her husband. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be jealous of her a little bit for getting to experience something I so badly want. None the less, like I said I would be over the moon happy.

Infertility steals the perfect pregnancy announcement we as woman have been planning since we were 12. Yes, I will get to announce that I am pregnant some day however, I also know that through my announcement others will find pain. I am not the only woman in my circle of friends going through infertility. Some woman you would never even know they are struggling with it. I will have to be cautious of how my announcement will effect those.

Infertility turns every baby name you have ever dreamed of into a dirty word. It makes you not want to even think of baby names anymore because you don’t think you will ever be able to make that name a reality.

Infertility steals a normal life. I cannot plan anything because doctor appointments, injections, treatment cycles control my life now. When I do make plans I have to check my calendar to make sure it will coordinate with my different “infertility plans.”

Infertility has become a huge part of my life the last two years. The reason I became open about our struggle was because I knew that it was a dark lonely world that many people don’t even begin to fathom the pain that it creates on one person.

This year, I urge you, from the bottom of my heart, to come up with a different joke. Couples who have lost, who have traveled through infertility have enough pain imposed on them every single day of their life. Your tasteless, not funny joke is just one more thing to add to pain. You never know who is truly struggling.

No Hate here peeps, just keeping it real.

-A.

It Takes a Village

If you know me in real life, you probably know that my family means the world to me.

Everyone says they have the greatest parents, I honestly do. From an early age I realized how truly amazing my Mom and Dad truly are. These are two people who would honestly pick your pain and worries up and carry them on their own so you wouldn’t have to hurt. These are two people who worked so hard so my siblings and I could have a great life. These are two people who have shown me so much love that it makes my heart hurt.

My parents straight up rock.

About a month ago, I called up my Mom and Dad and asked if we could have Easter down here, as it was going to be impossible for me to make the 6 hour roundtrip trip back home for the Holiday. Without hesitation, the answer was ‘Yes!’

Once our treatment got closer, my parents were asking what they can do, when they can be here, and how they can help with anything.

My parents put their lives on hold to be such a support beam to me.

My Mom and Dad got into town the night before our retrieval and spent the five days with us. My mom cooked, cleaned, did laundry, ran errands, administered a progesterone shot, and even painted our basement! My Dad played handy man, fixed my bath tub, cleaned my bath tub, fixed a few shower heads, and was a cheerleader for the dreadful shot.

The help and support they have given us through this process has been worth more than 1,000 tons of gold.  I will never be able to thank them enough for giving us the love and support that they have.

The only thing I know is that the best parents get promoted to GRANDparents and my parents absolutely deserve the joy of a grandchild!!!

-A.

Progesterone in Oil Meltdown

Last night was our first progesterone in oil shots.

These ones I can’t really do myself, it’s hard to get the angle and the projection you need since it’s one that goes into your bum.

As much as I knew it would be tough, I still wanted to try to do it on my own. Instead of trying to do it, I just stared at the needle having a melt down crying.

I bawled. Like a baby. Full on tears.

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Tell me you wouldn’t cry too?!? The needle is a good inch in a half and the equivalent of pencil lead. I kept saying I don’t get why it needs to be so big?!

For a second i stood staring at the huge needle thinking…”Why Me? This isn’t fair? Why do I have to go through hell and back for something that comes so easy to most?”

I definitely think the first PIO (progesterone in oil) shot was a sobering reality check for me. This isn’t something that comes easy for me. This hasn’t been an easy road. & this process is shaping me into an even stronger person.

Thank God I have been extremely spoiled the last few days and have had my mom and dad in town. My dad was the cheerleader and my mom got the lucky draw of my nurse. S got to take the opportunity to watch as he will become my shot giver from now on.

The good news is::the anticipation outweighed the shot. It really wasn’t bad at all. Just a quick bee sting and boom done.

Last night I woke up with a terrible horrible charley horse in the middle of the night. This morning I had a bit nausea and my boobs feel like I would imagine a 6 week pregnant womans boobs would feel.

It’s all in the name of a baby right!?!

We got this.

-A.

Fertilization Report

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We got our fertilization report today! After 24 hours we have 5. FIVE. CINCO!! viable embryos.

Woo Hoo!!

Five!

That’s a basketball team. The Robinson five starting for ISU in 2035!! 🙂 They still have a ways to go to get to the bastocyst state which will be Tuesday. This was a huge HUGE relief!

At our office they just started to just look at them day 1 and let them sit in the dark warm incubator til day 5 to reduce stress on the embryos, so we won’t get another update til Tuesday morning.

I start my progesterone in oil shots tonight. These are there intermuscular shots. I had every intention in giving myself these shots, however I think my nurse talked me into letting S give it a shot…no pun intended!!

I will be going in on Tuesday for the transfer. We are still unsure if we will go ahead and transfer one or two. I like the idea of twins. We will see. As long as we have a happy healthy baby come Christmas we will be more than thrilled and full of joy.

I really don’t know how we will move forward with the blog. Don’t be surprised if I go MIA for a while. Don’t be surprised if I continue to blog. All I know iS through this blog I have gotten so much love and support. & for that I am forever greatful.

We ask for prayers for our little Robinson 5 sitting about 8 miles away from us right now. Pray they become strong beautiful bastocyst. 🙂 🙂

-A

Egg Hunt. Complete.

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& we are complete!

Last night I had a horrible nightmare. Terrible. I tossed and I turned the whole time. I had a dream that they when they went in to do the retrieval they collected ZERO eggs. ZERO. None.

It was so real. It made my stomach just ache. I was so worried it was going to be what was to come.

We got to the office bright and early. Got the IV going, chatted with my awesome doctor, and it was go time we shot up the magical margaritas and off we went. I think I was awake the whole procedure…I’m really not sure. I also think my doctor told me he cut me with the speculum….again I am not sure about that detail either.

I felt like I was awake but off in the distance.

After it was all said and done we got our final count.

The extracted…

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7 eggs!

Like my chocolate covered marshmallow easter eggs?!?! I have been on a chocolate marshmallow kick lately!

So, 7! My goal was 8. But I will definitely take 7. We know that there is a good chance that not all 7 eggs are going to become fertilized. However we did choose to do ICSI, where they inject the sperm directly into the egg, which has proven higher fertility rate. So we’re hoping a good chunk of them continue on and become viable bastocyst (a day 5 embryo!) & we have a few to freeze. That would rock!!

A lot of people would be concerned with only 7 retrieved, however due to my high risk of over stimulation I would much rather take 7 good eggs than 20 ok eggs and have over stimulation.

My doctor was very happy with my response and said that these medium range retrieval tend to be better than those where you get tons of eggs. So we are hanging on to those hopes!

I am sore and tired but hanging in there well. My spirits are high. Just really need to rest up. & I am really glad that the stimulating portion of our journey is now over.

We will hear from the embryologist tomorrow on the count of the eggs that have fertilized. Say a prayer or two that we get a good favorable number tomorrow!!

-A.

Hot Mess Express!!

Ovidrel Sucks.

Not the shot itself. That was easy peasy. The side effects hit me hard today.

Really hard.

I had a mlet down at work. I spent a good part of my morning crying at my desk. Which I will tell you, I feel like I had a very very good reason to be upset. Which I am not going to share on this site. 🙂 just know it wasn’t irrational.

I had hot flashes like a mother. Horrible, horrible hot flashes. Thank God I have some amazing coworkers who gave me a fan.

I was/am craving almost anything and everything under the sun.

You could show me a picture of a puppy and I would get tears in my eyes. Again, thank God for some awesome coworkers who knows the way to my heart and gave me a slice of cake. I am so blessed.

My stomach feels like 2 balloons are being inflated to the point they are about to burst.

I am tired.

I am a hell of a hot mess.

Thank God tomorrow is a new day!!

We go in tomorrow at 7:45 for our “sunrise egg hunt.” I am hoping for eight good eggs. I will be happy with eight. However, I know it just takes one.

We got this!!!

-A!

Holy Heck!! Trigger time!!

We went in for our appointmentioned todays, guess what?!?

WE NAILED IT!!!

Sure thing!

The follicles were looking amazing about 6-7 other follicles have caught up to the lead follicle and are measuring at 18+ mm!

When the nurse saw this she was thinking we would be ready to trigger tonight but wanted confirmation from the bloodwork results.

Today around 2 she called with the news. We are triggering tonights!!!!

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For those who don’t know what a trigger shot is…the one I am doing is ovidrel. In fact I am doing 2 of these shots tonight. After the shots, around 36 hours my eggs are ready to release. Ovidrel is HCG hormone which is the main pregnancy hormone.

So, since I am triggering tonight, we will be doing our ‘egg hunt’ bright and early Thursday morning.

So so excited. This is the closest to pregnant we have gotten. Holy freaking yes!!!!

I am feeling good today. Slight twitches here and there. Tonight after the shot I expect to start to really feel it!!

Again, prayers are so much appreciated and needed!!!!

Much love.

-A.

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